<Good Partner Day/Interview Project> Relationships that are not forced to understand each other, as they are [Yuta-san and Hiro-san]
The first interview I had the pleasure of interviewing was Yuta and Hiro, a gay couple. They are both designers and doctors, both doing completely different jobs. Based on the premise that "we cannot fully understand everything," we talked about the relationship of mutual compromise.
The interviewer is Kito Fukai, representative of KAPOK KNOT.
The relationship between two people with completely different jobs and ways of thinking
Fukai : Yutaka, the designer of KAPOK KNOT and my best friend from college, and his partner Hiro. I felt that their relationship of mutual acceptance was wonderful, so I requested an interview. First of all, could you tell us about your lifestyle?
Yuta : I work as a CI designer as a freelancer. I work in various places in Japan, and my main bases are Shibuya, Kyoto, and Shonan. I often go to Oita and Okinawa.
Hiro : I'm originally from Kyushu, and I moved to Kanagawa Prefecture when I got a job. I am currently working at a university research institute.
Fukai : At first glance, the two of you seem to have no connection. Could you tell us something about each other that you respect?
Hiro : I'm the type of person who cares a lot about others and seeks excessive harmony. Yuuta is the exact opposite, and I respect him for being able to prioritize what he wants to do.
Yuuta : Hiro never gives up on dialogue. I respect the fact that they don't just say, ``That's enough,'' but instead talk about it properly and accept it.
Hiro : I believe that engaging with people based on the premise that it is impossible to understand each other is ultimately the key to promoting mutual dialogue.
How can we come to terms assuming we cannot understand each other?
Yuta : I don't feel that ``being able to understand each other'' is hope. It can be too much of an imposition, and you can end up feeling complacent. I think it is important to understand how we can come to terms and come to terms, even though we may not understand each other. Hiro is usually the one who approaches me (lol).
Fukai : Actually, in most cases, do you feel like Hiro is making advances towards you?
Hiro : Well, that's true (lol). However, if we assume that we cannot understand each other, the goal is no longer to be a ``solution-oriented'' person, such as coming up with one answer when we have a fight. I think the ideal situation is one in which everyone is able to express their opinions on the spot.
Don't become a "ideal solution type"
Fukai : Specifically, were there any situations where you both expressed your opinions instead of trying to reach a compromise or solve a problem?
Hiro : When we first started dating, Yuta said to me, ``I might be interested in a relationship called polyamory.''
*A lifestyle where you build romantic relationships with multiple people at the same time.
Hiro : At that time, I said, ``I don't think I can handle a polyamorous relationship, so if something happens in the future that requires that kind of relationship, let's talk about it again then .'' Putting aside whether polyamory is good or bad, I told him, ``You agree, but this is how I think.''
Fukai : I see. How do you digest when you still can't divide it?
Hiro : I'll ask a mutual friend to talk to me. Then, I feel like the parts that I understand in my head but can't keep up with in my heart are gradually being filled in.
Fukai : Was Yuuta the type to introduce his partner to his friends?
Yuuta : No. I think it's because the other person is Hiro. I believe in the idea of separation. People have different sides of themselves, and there are quite a lot of times when the person they interact with brings out a different version of themselves. Up until now, I've been trying to act cool with someone I like, and when I try to introduce them to my friends, I end up having a personality conflict. But I was able to show Hiro that I don't wear the same clothes I wear when I'm with friends, so I thought I could introduce him to him.
A world where you can live as you are
Fukai : Do you both find inspiration in the way you interact with the people around you?
Hiro : At the after-party of Yuuta's friend's wedding, I was shocked when he suddenly introduced me as her boyfriend. There are quite a few communities where I don't come out as gay, but at that time, about five times as many people as I had come out in my life suddenly opened up to me (lol).
Up until now, I've always felt like I was living in a dual world: one in the gay community and one in the other community , but Yuuta was completely different. I thought it was nice to be open to everyone and feel like we were living in one world. From then on, I started coming out to those around me.
Yuta : I was happy that Hiro started introducing me to people at work. I thought he didn't say much.
Fukai : Hiro-san changes due to Yuuta's influence, which also makes Yuuta happy. They influence each other in a positive way.
Scenes from weddings and after-parties mentioned in the article
A partnership that continues to share uncertainty
Fukai : Lastly, what does it mean for the two of you to be a “heart-warming partner”? Please tell me what kind of partner is a "good partner" and what kind of partner you want to be.
Yuta : I guess it's a relationship that allows us to be ourselves. I think that by being true to who I am, I can show not only the good parts, but also the muddy parts, parts that contradict my ideals, and various other aspects of myself. For me, it's really comforting that Hiro deals with that and lets me be myself in the true sense of the word. I think this relationship is very close to what I think happiness is.
Hiro : I guess it's a relationship based on the premise of not being able to understand each other. When something uncertain happens between two people, I think it's important to be able to continue to share the uncertainty, rather than having a black-and-white solution-type discussion. I also feel that it is a great thing to be able to transform myself while watching Yuuta's attitude of living freely.
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The closer you get to know someone, the more you naturally start to think that you "understand" them. Especially if the couple is in love with each other. It was very impressive to see the two of them consciously distance themselves from that feeling and move towards each other based on the premise that they cannot understand each other.
A series of interviews with KAPOK KNOT on November 8th (Good Partner Day). Next time, we'll be talking to a couple about ``relationships that create trust and a sense of security,'' so please look forward to it.
Interview: Kito Fukai (KAPOK KNOT representative)
Written by: Kaoruko Uchida ( KAPOK KNOT )
Edit: Hoshiyuki
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