<Good Partner Day/Interview Project> A partnership with yourself that accepts and nurtures who you are [Ayori Motojima]
KAPOK KNOT is a brand that proposes a "heart-warming lifestyle" in modern times. Who you spend your time with is important for living a happy life. Nowadays, diversity has come to be seen as ``richness,'' and the nature of partners has also changed. We started this interview project to update the anniversary of November 22nd, ``Good Couple Day,'' to November 8th, ``Good Partner Day.''
This is the 6th time we interviewed Saori Motojima, a diet beauty expert. We spoke to Ms. Motojima, who talks about how to relate to oneself through diet and beauty, from the perspective of a partnership with oneself.
The interviewer is Kito Fukai, representative of KAPOK KNOT.
How I feel about self-esteem, which I realized from feeling uncomfortable with my “self-esteem”
Fukai : So far, this project has touched on various forms of partnership. This time, I would like to ask Mr. Motojima about the concept of "self-partnership," which he often shares. First of all, could you please introduce yourself?
Main island : Main island Saihori. Six years ago, I started promoting the importance of losing weight slowly and effortlessly on Instagram after going on a 20kg diet after giving birth. Since then, I have published books and developed a brand called eume, which provides products for nurturing yourself.
Fukai : “Nurture yourself” is an unusual word!
Motojima : That's right. When it comes to dealing with yourself, you often hear words like self-growth and self-affirmation. In the first place, I get the impression that people often measure their own subjective sense of self-esteem, whether it's high or low. I believe that many people suffer from such ambiguous standards.
Fukai : Even though you're supposed to be facing yourself, for some reason your evaluation is relative.
Motojima : Yes. Self-esteem consists of ``basic self-esteem, ``Being'', where one feels that one's existence is valuable as one is, and ``social self-esteem, ``Doing,'' which is a feeling that increases through social evaluation and comparison with others. There seem to be two types. If "Doing", which is a feeling of social self-esteem, becomes too big within yourself, you will not be able to feel the value of your existence unless you are evaluated by your company and those around you.
At times like these, if you can have a relationship with yourself that allows you to feel the basic sense of self-esteem "Being," you will be able to continue to value yourself unconditionally, not just socially, but without comparing yourself to others. It happens. I myself have been working on nurturing my "Being" side ever since I started seeing a counselor I met during workplace training 10 years ago. I used to evaluate myself based on "doing" and tend to deny myself, but now, little by little, I am able to interact with others while respecting and feeling who I am.
“Self-efficacy”: recognizing what you can do and developing yourself
Fukai : Once again, what is a “product that nurtures you”?
Motojima : When it comes to dieting, I feel like we often focus on denying ourselves and what we can't do. When I was on a diet, I would always blame myself and push myself too hard, and the harder I tried, the more I would rebound, and it often didn't go well. However, the more I became aware of and accepted my own feelings and desires, the more my dieting methods changed from extreme ones to ones that were comfortable for me and that I could stick to.
What I was very conscious of was the importance of simply checking what I was able to do. This is called ``nurturing yourself''. What you feel when nurturing your child is not self-affirmation, but ``self-efficacy,'' which means recognizing your own potential. And the self-care brand I created called eume can help you cultivate that.
Fukai : Rather than evaluating your own potential, you recognize it.
Honjima : Yes. So instead of evaluating myself based on vague things like whether I worked hard or not, eume's products are created with the idea of ``I want to increase the fact that I was able to do something'' in the small things of everyday life. Meguri Socks are made of material that uses your own body temperature to keep you warm, so you can practice self-care by simply changing the socks and other innerwear you wear every day.
Fukai : Dieting tends to require you to work hard, but do you think that's a little different?
Motojima : The reason we end up not trying hard or trying hard is the result-oriented social evaluation of “Doing.” What's more, when you try your best, you end up holding yourself back or holding back at some point. If you hold back too much, you may end up overeating or have a big reaction. Rather, I believe that incorporating ways to consciously satisfy your natural desires such as ``wanting to eat'' is a diet that is friendly to you, comfortable, and easy to maintain. It's okay to feel like you're not trying your best. Self-efficacy is developed by confirming that you have taken action, so the fact that you wore socks made of high-performance fibers is important. As you pay attention to what you've accomplished and check on it, you'll start to see more and more things that make you feel like you could do more. I was able to change from the person I thought I was, even though I wasn't trying my best.
What is important is not the result of hard work, but the process of taking action.
Fukai : That way of thinking seems difficult unless you have the skills to communicate with yourself...
Motojima : 10 years ago, I had very little dialogue with myself (lol). First, I started by noticing how I was feeling and how my body was feeling right now. It might be a good idea to say out loud or write down what you're feeling. You can also develop dialogue skills. The reason I try not to use the words "high" or "low" to myself is because saying "high" or "low" itself becomes a word of comparison with others. Rather than expressions that tend to compare results, ``nurturing'' that emphasizes the process is more appropriate. I believe that diets, work, and relationships are all about the accumulation of processes, not results.
Fukai : The education we have received basically places importance on improving...
Motojima : Certainly! Things like ranking (lol). Also, when you fell down a long time ago and it hurt, didn't your parents say, "It doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt"? Anxiety like ``it hurts'' or ``I'm scared'' is an important feeling to protect yourself, so don't deny or suppress what you feel. I have a 7-year-old son, and I think it's important that the relationship between parents and children is one in which they really feel themselves. Therefore, I would be happy if I had the opportunity to work in education someday. Before that, I think it would be great if there were more relationships in which adults who become parents can respect themselves.
“Self-partnership” is nurtured by consulting and adjusting with yourself.
Fukai : Does the keyword "self-efficacy" that came up today have a similar meaning to self-partnership?
Motojima : That's right. I mentioned earlier that when developing self-efficacy, you check what you have accomplished, but I think what you can do at any given time is different. As you continue to nurture your child , you will be able to suggest and adjust what you can do to suit your physical condition and mood that day. For example, if you feel anxious or confused, instead of trying to force yourself to calm down, try drinking tea slowly and gradually feeling the anxiety. Your stress level will be much lower than trying to suppress your anxiety in order to get rid of it. I think self-partnership is the act of making small efforts and doing what you can for yourself.
Fukai : Mr. Motojima, how do you put this into practice on a daily basis?
Motojima : I haven't decided anything (lol). My situation is always different, so although I may make plans, I don't really set rules or make promises to myself. I think it's good to have a routine, but I don't feel like I have to do it. I always ask myself, ``How am I feeling right now?'' before deciding what to do.
Fukai : Is that so? However, we tend to set goals like "I have to do this by today"...
Motojima : Of course, I think it's important to set goals. It's actually necessary at work. Even if you have decided what to do, the process of how to do it is something you have to consult with yourself every day. For example, you may hold online meetings at different locations depending on your mood. It's tedious to make food, so I decided to use Uber Eats. If you find housework difficult, you can simply tell your husband that you can't do it, share the work, or outsource it. By making adjustments and making suggestions, you will be able to communicate this to others. The better your partnership with yourself, the more you will be able to respect the self-partnerships of those around you.
Fukai : You will be able to coordinate and consult with yourself and the other person. This time, I listened to the talk with a focus on facing oneself, but it was very refreshing to see that this ultimately leads to facing others . thank you very much!
【profile】
Ayori Motojima (diet beautician)
She advocates beauty pressure massage, drawing on her own experience of struggling with diet, diet guidance at beauty salons, and experience as a practitioner. She has many years of experience attending counseling and receiving mental health care, and is focusing on how to relate to herself through diet and beauty, as well as communicating about mental health.
They launched their own self-care brand ``eume'', which symbolizes taking care of themselves, and are engaged in everything from sales to wholesale.
* ＊ ＊
In order to become the person you want to be, this is a story about a self-partnership that fosters self-efficacy, where you don't deny yourself or force yourself to do things, but gradually check on what you can already do by being who you are. Have you found any hints on how to interact with your partner?
This is the final installment of the KAPOK KNOT interview series that ran on November 8th (Good Partner Day).
In each interview, the participants talked about how their relationships with their partners lead to daily happiness and fulfillment. KAPOK KNOT hopes that everyone who has read this far can live a ``heart-filled life'' with a good partner. And I would be happy if I could help you with that in the future.
